Love: Defined
What is love?
It’s an important question, and it seems as if everyone is answering it in different ways. “Love is love” is a popular attempt to define love these days, and yet, is that actually a definition?
Depending on who you ask, you will receive a variety of different answers to this seemingly simple question: “What is love?”
Many poets and songwriters throughout time have tried to solidify the answer to this question, and yet here we are today, still offering different answers to this one question.
Years ago, I joined a Bible study that met for nine months. We would gather together once a week to study various parts of the Bible, but our first week together, we began by reading this definition of love:
“Love is giving of yourself to meet others needs, whether they deserve it or not, and expecting nothing in return.”
Wow. Let that sink in for just a few minutes. Those are hard words to live by, aren’t they?
These words stand in stark contrast to most expressions or sentiments of love that we experience today. If we are honest with ourselves, I think we would agree that we tend to approach love “contractually.”
Love is often understood as a giving and exchanging of certain expectations from another. This definition is the complete opposite of that.
If any part of this definition is challenging to embrace, we should pause for a moment and ask ourselves, “Why?”.
To “give of yourself to meet the needs of another” requires a few things from us. It requires sacrifice. It requires selflessness. It requires humility.
Giving ourselves away requires us to actually see the needs of others around us, even when our own situations are all consuming. And this is hard to do.
I think the second part of the definition is a significant counter-cultural struggle though (at least for me), “…whether they deserve it or not…”.
It’s much easier to respond to someone’s kindness with kindness than it is to give kindness to someone who doesn’t deserve it.
Someone cuts us off, and we ride their tail. The barista makes our drink wrong, and we respond with impatience, demanding that they make it right. Someone else gets the promotion that we thought was coming to us, and we talk about them behind their back. Or maybe this is just me?
Kindness is powerful though, isn’t it?
For any one of us who have been on the receiving end of unexpected, undeserved kindness, we know how it can impact and change the course of our day. Interesting, isn’t it, that love is connected to this kind of unmerited favor? Love gives to another even when, and perhaps especially when, it isn’t deserved.
You still with me?
This last part of the definition can actually be the hardest part to live by: “…expecting nothing in return.”
I give, and you give back to me. This is how we operate in society. Our understanding of what love is has unfortunately been formed by culture, Hallmark, and the flawed love of other people.
This is why this definition is so challenging for us—because it is counter-intuitive. But what if it’s right? What if this is love?
My faith-filled hope that love is far more than just a feeling, or an emotion; because feelings fade. But if this is truly what love looks like, then we can conclude that love endures all things. If love is defined by the only one who ever lived this definition perfectly, if God is love, then love changes everything!
If you want to read a bit more about what the Bible has to say about love, check out these few passages: John 3:16, 1 Corinthians 13, 1 John 3:16, 1 John 4:7-12. For more in depth, guided bible studies please consider reading through:
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